Things I’ve Learned Working in a Restaurant That Everyone Should Know
*Note: I’m not usually pro-using-the-word “should”, however in this case, I am going to proudly. I don’t think it’s too much to ask people to practice common human decency. I also want to believe that most of us would agree it is rather ridiculous for a man in his fifties to throw a tantrum over things beyond everyone’s control. Right? Right.
I was lucky enough to grow up with parents who tip well, understand that lag time between ordering and being served isn’t a server’s fault, and always say their pleases and thank yous. Unfortunately, it has become brutally apparent to me that this is not everyone’s experience. If you have ever heard the adage “a person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person”, you should start paying more attention to that now. I mean it. If you haven’t heard that saying until right now, take it in.
One of my current jobs is hostess-ing at a fine dining restaurant in the suburbs of Minneapolis. This is an important distinction to make for a couple reasons:
1. I don’t have to interface with the customers for as long as my serving coworkers do, which is sometimes a huge privilege.
2. I have a limited scope, and likely different treatment from management because of this role coupled with some additional work I carry out for the restaurant. That needs to be acknowledged.
3. With this limited scope also comes a lot of time to notice. I can observe various interactions from the front of the restaurant. I get to witness, overhear, and tune in to conversations other staff might be too busy to catch. In case you were wondering if restaurant staff are paying attention to you, customer, they are. I am. Be on your best behavior.
With all of this laid out, here are 5 points/ideas/things I think everyone should know, that have only been drilled further into my value system since working at a restaurant.
1. A little bit of patience and kindness goes a long way. This goes for all interactions in a restaurant. Customers who come in and are patient with me as I find them a table or accommodate an unexpected need make my night! Seriously. These small acts of decency make for a universally better experience. And, just by virtue, you’re probably going to get what you want if you’re not an asshole.
2. If you can afford an expensive meal, you can afford to tip better. One of my pet peeves is when people don’t leave any, or leave a teeny, tip on their bills. Someone I know recently confessed they never tip 20% when they go out to eat, yet they go on an annual sailing trip outside of the country… which I am assuming isn’t cheap. Yeah, yeah, people have their priorities and can spend their money as they wish, and at the same time, is tipping well going to drain your bank account? Doubtful. Don’t kid yourself into thinking you’re saving money by not tipping an extra two dollars. Hear how silly that sounds? Exactly. Not to mention, servers deal with a whole lot of crap to accommodate you and your meal. They are also just people who are bound to make mistakes every once in a while. Do better, please.
3. You’re told there’s no room for you? Trust there really isn’t room. No restaurant wants to turn away service, so if you are turned away, it’s for a reason. There is so much going on behind the scenes in a restaurant. Think of it like a theatre performance. No matter how much we prepare the “stage” (dining room) for a night of service, there are tenfold more unexpected situations that can happen “backstage” (think kitchen, dishwashing, food prep, bar, technological kerfuffles etc.). You may walk into a restaurant and see a bunch of open tables, but you might not consider that in 5 minutes all those tables will be filled by people who made reservations, when you just decided to walk in on a whim. You might call and see if you can order to-go, but not think about how the same kitchen who would make your food also has to make food for everyone else who is already at the restaurant, and make sure they get it on time for the next reservation to come in. You don’t know if we are short on serving staff, bartenders, or chefs on any given night. You don’t know if we have a private event going on that limits space. You don’t see everything else going on, but we do. I do. We aren’t trying to make it a big deal or ruin your day, so don’t take it personally and believe us because we do, in fact, get paid to run the show smoothly.
4. Your arrival does not unequivocally mean your table is ready for you. In case you are one of the few people who is horribly confused by the idea that the table you’ll be sitting at likely has a reservation before and after you’re there, this one’s for you. Whether you arrive early or on time, this sentiment applies. Scenario: you show up at five o’clock for your six o’clock reservation. You check in and I say, “your table isn’t ready (duh) but I will seat you as soon as it is. Because you’re early you are welcome to eat up at the bar if you don’t want to wait for the table”. So you go to the bar, if there’s room, and get a couple drinks while you wait, because you decide you want the table, even though you’ve been offered a more immediate option. The reservation before you sat down at 4:15, so when you arrive, they’ve only been seated for 45 minutes. This reservation checks out and packs up at 6:05, when you come up to me and say, “we’ve been waiting for over an hour, is our table ready yet or should we just stay at the bar?”. Unfortunately for you, you’ve only had to wait five minutes past your actual reservation time, and it will only take a couple minutes to set your table, so you’ll be seated within 15 minutes of your reservation time—not bad on a hustling Friday night. I tell you your table will be ready in two minutes, and you’re welcome to continue to stay at the bar if you wish. You scoff, walk back to the bar, grab your partner and your drink. I seat you at 6:10 and you huff and puff about it. Time passes. And now its 8:29; you’ve been enjoying yourselves for two hours and twenty minutes. You paid the bill thirty minutes ago. We’ve all been waiting for you to leave so we can seat the 8:15 reservation who’s been waiting since they arrived on time at 8:15. You’re angry when I let you know the next reservation is here and we need the table so you ask for my manager so you can tell her how unprofessional I am. By the time I seat the next reservation at 8:35 they’ve waited for 20 minutes past their actual reservation time, and you are still complaining to my manager about how I let you know we needed the table even though you showed up an hour early then proceeded to sit for an additional two hours after you were offered a more immediate option at the bar. You are entitled and rude. You do not have the only reservation at that table and it’s not hard to be self-aware regarding how much time you’re at the restaurant. If you needed five hours to chat, have tea with your friend at home or meet at a coffee shop or on a park bench. I don’t care. Be self-aware.
5. Clear and kind communication makes a difference. The term “communication” can be nuanced but at the restaurant it mostly entails the following: saying “thank you” when someone offers their help, announcing your presence when you turn a kitchen corner so you don’t get whacked with a scalding-hot pan, and explaining to customers that their table will be ready a little later than expected and I appreciate their patience. When I started working this job, I felt silly, and embarrassed, announcing “corner” or “coming down” when in the kitchen. I wanted to stay quiet, trusting my observations to avoid any accidental collisions with my coworkers, but it wasn’t enough. It might feel awkward to say what’s going on or announce where you are in real time, but it makes every other aspect of service run smoothly. And when it comes to customers: being kind to unkind ones makes their day, they tell me so. This skill changes every relationship and interaction I have.
