New Year’s Word
I hate new year’s resolutions.
I don’t hate them because I think setting goals is bad, or because I believe most resolutions limit and restrict us. Mostly, I don’t vibe with new year’s resolutions because it’s phrased in a way that is an addition to our already overstimulating and overscheduled lives. Statements like “This year I want to work out 3 times a week” probably doesn’t seem harmful, in fact I think it’s a great idea, but let me show you how this could be damaging:
Statement: “This year I want to work out 3 times a week”
This can be loosely translated to “I am going to have to make time in my schedule, so I have time to work out 3 times a week. This means I will have to dedicate 3 hours to working out. So, what am I going to do 3 hours less of? I could compromise time I spend sleeping, cooking, spending time with my family, hanging out with friends, making art, or working. I need to think about whether I will work out at home or in a gym. Do I need a gym membership? I will have to check and see if that’s even within my budget.”
As you can see, this deceptive little statement has an implicated requirement of time, money, and other resources. Whatever resolution you come up with, I’ll bet there are plenty of mini steps making it less simple than what it’s made out to be. If this way of making new year’s resolutions works for you, amazing. For me, it doesn’t. At all. A desire to move my body regularly now turned into a lengthy task list. Moreover, I just made a catalog of activities that, if I don’t complete, propels negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy.
If you, like me, aren’t a huge fan of resolutions and find yourself bothered, or even intimidated, by the idea, let me offer you a new framework for setting up the year, one that is backed by psychology. This practice, taught to me by a mentor and friend of mine, directly challenges our mind’s negativity bias. Let’s walk through it together.
Picking A Word
Each year, I ask the universe for a word which acts as a grounding point and intention, something to tune into. You can ask God, Allah, Adonai, Mother Earth, and any other divine entity or deity you resonate with. I find that I know my next word when I reflect on something that keeps coming up during the last few months of the year. However, it doesn’t have to be overly reflective, divine, or religious if you don’t want it to be. The first year I practiced this I chose an idea I wanted to cultivate more of: trust. Picking a word can be as special or as mundane as you want it to be, and it might vary year to year. The beautiful thing about choosing a yearly word is that there doesn’t have to be any added pressure. You just do what feels right to you.
This year my word was growth. Every couple months I journaled about where I witnessed growth happening in my life, and it was abundant. Here are a handful of ways growth emerged for me:
I expanded my skills working with kids on the spectrum
I learned to trust my intuition even more
I added to my repertoire of coping skills for ongoing anxiety and depression
I became more independent and willing to do what works for me instead of what society expects
I now choose to communicate openly and curb an old habit of cold-shouldering
Notice how each of the above statements could have been a new year’s resolution on its own. Also notice that this is an abbreviated list of all the ways I saw growth in my life during this past year—and it’s not even over! Essentially, I accomplished at least five “resolutions” of sorts. Reflecting on this growth boosts my sense of accomplishment. I’ve shown myself there is so much to be proud of.
Negativity Bias
When I look at the list above and see all the ways I grew this year, I’m actively squashing my negativity bias. Negativity bias is what psychologists call our mind’s tendency to cling to, remember, and process negative input more readily than and praise. If you’ve ever had someone tell you they don’t like your shirt, you will likely remember that particular criticism instead of the three people who said they love your shirt and asked where they could get one of their own. That’s negativity bias.
This is such a natural inclination, almost instinctual, that most of us probably don’t notice our negative bias. Some of you might know about gratitude journaling, another way to actively counter our negative patterning by tracking things we appreciate. I like to think of my yearly word as a version of this. While a standard new year’s resolution presents you with all the things you may or may not be doing, a yearly word can’t do that. It’s just a word, an intention. I’ve found that once I have an intention, and begin living from that intention, all the other happenings are the natural consequence. If my intention for the year is health, I will likely start moving my body on a regular basis, eating healthier, paying closer attention to toxins in my beauty products etc..
Again, if you are pleased with your new year’s practice or love resolutions—incredible! I love that it works for you and want you to keep going. My mind becomes overwhelmed and obsessive, which is why I find intention a much healthier and fulfilling way to enter a new year. Reflecting on all I’m accomplishing in alignment with my intention acts to reduce my focus on negative events, my negativity bias.
I write about this now so if you decide to try it out, you have time to choose a word that feels right. I think the holidays can bring up a lot of stress and believe thinking about an intention is a great way to reground yourself in what matters most to you. Honor yourself, your desires and hopes. Honor your dreams, goals, and believe you deserve rest. In fact, we all need rest. Let’s not worry so much about what new routine we need to add to our intensely packed lives and focus more on how we want to be more deliberate in our behaviors.
If you feel inclined to fill out the form, I would love to know what you want your word to be for 2023. Also, let me know if you want me to check in with you and provide you with some reflective prompts to do every couple months!
Love, K
